True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
