Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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