I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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