hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
