Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
