I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize