oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
