I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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