I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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