please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize