Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
