Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
