i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
