Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
