No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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