that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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