Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
