My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
