Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
