Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
