break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
