Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I could make wine with my vomit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
