my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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