I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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