True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize