girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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