I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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