In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
