so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
