i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
