im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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