I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
