I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
