He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize