u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
4 words: hood of his car
you traded sex for a burrito?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
