We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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