Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
