Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my sisters under your porch take her home
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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