I just saw a hot homeless man
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
