Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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