her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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