i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
