I want to walk on stilts...naked
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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