She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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