whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
