I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
