i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
