is your mom at the bar?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
