I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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