Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
