Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I want her autograph on my taint
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
