I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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