Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
