nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
