i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
