I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
