Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have fence marks all over my body
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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