I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude. I can hear the air.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
