If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
