Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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