I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
