you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky đ
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You couldnât remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders âunlimited hand frittersâ if they wouldnât cut you off.
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