that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
