2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
