So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I smell stomach acid.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
