Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
