Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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