just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
