Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
