Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
