Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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