My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
