So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
