I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
operation harelip BJ is a go
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
