I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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