you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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