new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
