Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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