god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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