I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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