Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
