you guys were way drunker than both of me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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