How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize