i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize