I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Please, let me fuck your mom
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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