Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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