Tell her she can't have a vagina
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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