Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
