All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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