If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i've created a new STD.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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