dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
