Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
