I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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