My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize