i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
and you fell through a lawn chair
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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