My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
