my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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