I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
