I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't deserve a penis
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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