why didn't you poke me back
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
