I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
