My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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