Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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