i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So here I am, sexting at work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
