I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
