yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Four minutes until I can fart!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
